In His Eyes

He entered the room just as she stepped out of the shower. “You’re back early!” she yelled. “I’m just getting back from the photography museum, and wanted to freshen up before dinner.”

She wasn’t upset that he was back early, she was upset because she wanted to make sure she was completely dressed before he arrived.

“My meetings ended early, and I wanted us to have a few hours to relax before dinner.” As she stood there in her robe she knew exactly what he was thinking. She poured them both a glass of bourbon, “Thank you,” he said as he leaned in to kiss her. He could make her melt with his attentive kisses. But before allowing herself to melt, she quickly pushed him away, and went on about the exhibit she saw earlier to distract him.

He moved to the chair, and sat watching her as she walked across the room, “Come here” he said, “take off your robe.” At that moment, it didn’t matter how attentive his kisses were, the sun is brightly shining and while the room is on the 34th floor of their hotel, the curtains were open, and people could easily see through them. “No!” she snapped. “Why?” he inquired, “I just want to see you.” “You see me now, and you’ve seen me before,” she replied. “No, I want to see all of you.” After this exchange went on for a few more moments, she finally took a deep breath, untied her robe, and allowed it to fall to the floor.

Thoughts raced through her mind as she revealed herself.

Does he notice the miles of stretch marks racing across my body?

Is he noticing how my thighs touch, or how my belly protrudes?

I’m not wearing a bra, and I haven’t done push-ups in a week...I’m sure my breasts are sagging.

Did I shave properly?

Bearing yourself to someone can make the strongest person fall to their knees.

Just as quickly as those thoughts appear, they disappeared with him saying, “You’re so beautiful.” She wanted to shy away and cover up, but realized he was not looking at her body he was staring deep into her eyes as if he saw her soul.

I shared this story with a few friends during our weekly happy hour where the conversation rotated between work, kids, and inevitably transitioned to dating, and how our bodies changed after 40.

They quickly dissected how many grays they had, or pointed out wrinkles. As I sat there the first thing that came to mind was ‘Mean Girls.’

I was Lindsey Lohan in Regina George’s bedroom, as they compared body flaws and insecurities, in not having anything to complain about. And just as it played out in the movie they all looked to me, because of course, what woman doesn’t have flaws, and I simply stated, ‘Sure I have a few grays, and my weight isn’t where I would like it to be, but I am happy with myself.’

Fortunately, they were appreciative of me sharing perhaps one of my most vulnerable experiences and stated that they were not sure if they could have taken off the robe. I admit I was a bit self-conscious, but I appreciate the aging process and how my body changes each day. And while I may have over analyzed my body standing in front of, Mr. Leibowitz, his words allow any fears to drift away.

I’ll leave you with a few words from one of my favorite actresses, Salma Hayek “People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.”